Listen with an open mind
Be ready to hear and consider all sides of an issue. This does not mean that we have to agree with what is being said, but rather that we must avoid defensiveness. Another way to think of it is to go into an interaction ready to consider new viewpoints and ideas. If it helps, equate this with the scientific process we were taught ad nauseam during grade school. Every opinion and perspective we encounter while listening can be viewed as the hypothesis that we, as diligent pseudo-scientist listeners, can examine and experiment upon. And just as third grade science debunked my lack of faith that wet paper towels could actually cause a lima bean to sprout, our willingness to listen to a different perspective will sometimes yield surprising new insights for us
Listen to the entire message without judging
Suppress the urge to let biases and prejudices prevent you from listening fully. We can only do one thing effectively at a time: listen, judge, or respond. Go in that order. You have to begin with listening to the entire message, then you can weigh your thoughts against what has been said, and finally respond. Allow each role to run its course in turn. When you are the listener, you cannot simultaneously be the judge. Our minds do not work in categories quite so neatly, but when we make this effort to suppress or postpone our desire to make premature judgments we become better listeners.
A great way to prepare for this in advance is to be aware of what your biases are and then try to reason out why you feel this way. What “buzz words” or topics generate a strong emotional reaction–either positive or negative–in you? If you judge and then speak too soon, you’ve opened the possibility of having missed a critical part of the message and thus embarrassing yourself by jumping to conclusions.
Determine the concepts and central ideas of the message
The best gauge to know whether you are listening or just hearing is whether or not you are actively looking for the central idea(s) of what is being said. This could easily morph into a whole other issue about the structure of a message, but that is not our focus here. Here, we are the listener, and if the message is well-constructed then our role will be easier, but we will not always have that luxury. A great technique, regardless of the speaker’s ability to construct a message, is to listen in such a way that you can summarize what you gleaned to be the central idea(s). What are the common threads–the ideas that seem to weave their way into everything being said? If the situation allows, you can then share your summary with the speaker and confirm (or revise) your understanding. Doing this builds your confidence as a listener, plus it proves to the speaker that you were listening.
Learn to adapt to the speaker’s appearance, personality, and delivery
Don’t allow a stereotype–either negative or positive–to influence your listening. Despite conventional wisdom against judging a book by its cover, we do so consciously and unconsciously every day. Appearance can be a major factor, and not everyone is blessed with dashing good looks or the sartorial wisdom we find here at The Art of Manliness. We’re just going to have to deal with it. After all, Abraham Lincoln was no George Clooney. The sixteenth president of the United States was a homely-looking fella, but his words changed the course of history.
Beyond appearance, we should also spend some time coming to peace with the fact that there are different personalities, styles, and levels of ability. As an English teacher, I have to weigh these elements with every paper I grade, so I understand how tedious it is to cope with things that run against your grain even if they aren’t necessarily “wrong.” Although it is far from a quick fix, it can be helpful to study rhetoric so that you can recognize what the speaker does well, thereby giving you something positive to focus on and making it easier to listen. Likewise, studying rhetoric allows you to understand where exactly a speaker falls short, thus eliminating phantom annoyances and allowing you to recognize and accept the stylistic and delivery shortcomings for what they are as you listen.
Curb and overcome distractions
It takes very little to jerk our attention away from the work of listening. We start out in life as good listeners. Think about how much a baby learns within the first few years of his or her life. Yet babies don’t attend classes, read textbooks, or go to seminars. They simply listen, and they do it so well that eventually they start behaving like little adults. Over time, however, a series of bad habits begins to sprout up. Dr. Paine shared the following statistics with us: when a teacher suddenly stopped in the middle of a lesson and asked students to explain the content of the lesson thus far, 90% of first grade students could do so successfully. That number drops to 80% in second graders, then plummets to 44% in middle school students, and a gut-wrenching 28% in high school. In other words, despite how well we start, our bad habits develop rather quickly.
Ask questions to clarify the message
This is a positive way to show someone that you are listening. I’m a high school teacher, so I know that makes me biased in this regard, but I believe the ability to ask questions is so important that we’ll be looking at it in great detail in the third part of this series. Sometimes asking a good
question is more important than knowing the answer.
Take time to listen to yourself
We’ve already addressed the value of silence in a conversation and the pitfalls of the poor habits we so easily adopt. But sometimes our worst habits and the least amount of silence are directed at ourselves. Listening to yourself is a practice arena where you have unlimited opportunities to practice and the speaker (you) will be very forgiving when you stumble. By listening to yourself, you are also better able to cope with obstacles such as prejudices and internal “noise.” If your thoughts are in order, it will be much easier to attend to the thoughts of others.
Dr. Paine had entire assignments based wholly on listening to ourselves. He would make a point to emphasize that the phones, televisions, and music should be off and that we find a comfortable place to be alone. Eliminating the external distractions is only half the battle, though. When listening to yourself, the internal racket is sometimes the greatest enemy. Take time to sit in silence every so often–daily if you can–and listen to yourself without judgment or interruption. Give the whirlwind of your thoughts however much time it needs to settle down. What do you have to say to you? For those of us who find even our emotions (let alone the emotions of others) to be an enigma most of the time–a veritable swamp of foggy confusion–silence is an invaluable way to untangle the knots.
Avoid faking attention and pretending to listen
The unique challenge that comes with learning to listen well is that we now know how to fake it. But when someone thinks you were paying attention but in reality you weren’t, you are inviting trouble. If the speaker notices, you are insulting him/her. If you are asked to respond in some way, then you will be caught unawares and will most likely suffer embarrassment. And even if you can get away with it, you are gaining nothing except the reinforcement of bad habits.
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:some media can improve your listening skills
Listen to English radio or podcasts
Listen to English radio or podcasts. One of the best ways to improve your English listening comprehension is to download English-language podcasts or radio apps on your phone or MP3 player.
You should then make an effort to listen to the podcasts or radio shows for at least 30 minutes a day. Do it in the gym, on your commute to work, or while you're sitting at your computer.
Really make an effort to understand what's being said, don't just let the English wash over you. Even if you find it too fast, try to pick out key words and phrases to get a general idea of what the conversation is about.
If you can, make a note of any words or phrases that you don't understand and look up the translation afterwards. Then listen to the podcast or show again to hear the new words or phrases in context.
Watch English movies and TV shows
comprehension is to watch English movies and TV shows.
Try to pick movies or TV shows that you will enjoy this will make the exercise feel like less of a chore. If possible, choose movies or shows that you are already familiar with, such as children's cartoons or blockbuster films. If you already know the basic story you will find the language much easier to pick up on.
However, you should avoid watching movies or television shows with subtitles in your native language -- they will only distract you and make you less inclined to focus on understanding the English, which is the whole point of the exercise.
